Tremors
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

This week, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love acquired a new niece with the help of an ambitious sibling and his amused accomplice. On her first day as a person with visible fingers and toes, Miss Leah Pastorio cooed, "You’re my favorite Auntie. Is your hair color found in nature?"
 
Surprises abound. Below our living room window, in the backyard of a gentleman we most certainly recognize on sight, a stranger wields a weed whacker while his wife and two Beagles supervise. Olympic coverage grows more confusing as the days pass, where one might expect a recognizable story to develop. We watched every second of the US team having its collective ass kicked by the Team Puerto Rico, and after one game of the Olympic Games ended, reporters groused and rehashed and failed to move on to – well – the hundreds of other games and matches. Sure, it’s embarrassing when our professional basketball players get schooled by a quintet without their own country, but it’s positively mortifying when reporters act like bratty children. Listen, at the Olympics anything can happen. That’s why we watch.
 
Speaking of watching, we watched the dramatic first event of Men’s Gymnastics, which was covered by NBC as if only the US competed, and the other teams served merely to distract us. Certainly, the US team had its thrilling ups and heart-rending downs, but the viewer can’t figure out what’s going on in the competition when only one team gets any airtime. Your Beloved, who has followed Olympic gymnastics since her days in utero, was truly confused when the Japanese Men finished the first night on top. Where were the brilliant, consistent routines that placed them so far ahead?
 
And speaking of ahead, Governor McGreevey’s announcement that he’s gay puts New Jersey miles ahead of other states that have yet to accidentally elect diverse officials. It’s time for minority men - and women - to pretend they’re straight and white – and glue on fake mustaches – to fool a few electorates with their perfectly fabulous careers, and hold piles of shocking press conferences. Your Delight, for one, cannot wait for speech that begins, "Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve lived a double life, but now I must live my truth. I’ve tried to be an ordinary United States Senator, but now I must tell you all I’m an ordinary paraplegic African-American lesbian. This White Guy suit is bunching."
 
Sometimes it’s not just a shock to the system. Sometimes the jolt fixes what’s out of whack and that, in the long run, is a fine thing.
 

©2004 Robin Pastorio-Newman