Distractions
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

"What are you writing?"
 
"Nothing."
 
"Your article. Aren't you working on that tonight?"
 
"We're driving around Englishtown because it's the Car For Sale on the Front Lawn Capital of the World. That's a rusted-out bus, and across the street, that's a Corvette with a kind of burgundy paint job. Let's cut to the chase and call that car pink."
 
"Your article: have you decided what you want to talk about?"
 
"This week, Joel Steinberg will be released from prison. Not everyone remembers this, but in 1987, he beat his little daughter to death. This crime brought adoption fraud to light. Before then, everyone thought adopted children arrived on gossamer wings, when it was really a freighter at Pork Newark."
 
"Are we shopping for a rolling Habitrail with a 24-hour news feed?"
 
"In Philadelphia, an organization called Books Through Bars solicits donations of books and textbooks to distribute to prison libraries. Did you know the most requested book in prison libraries is the dictionary?"
 
"Can I send them books on locksmithing? Gun repair?"
 
"You're so thoughtful! And speaking of thoughtful, Focus on the Family, a very conservative Christian group, thinks we might be interested in David Berkowitz's prison conversion story. For a modest suggested donation, Focus on the Family will send you Son of Sam's meditations on salvation."
 
"He thought his dog was God, am I right?"
 
"You are! And if he ever gets paroled, I'll set landspeed records for going blond. Britney Spears might be pregnant! Bellringing could be fatal! Phone companies make up their own taxes! Paulie dearest, it's hard to think! What kind of article is this going to make?"
 
"A short one that comes with a free helmet?"
 

©2004 Robin Pastorio-Newman