Busy
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Those December holidays we shop and go into debt for are barreling toward us like semis that have lost their brakes. We are busy, busy, busy! Thank goodness we have celebrities to entertain us with their antics, accidental or not.
 
Ozzy Osbourne's recent admission that he swallowed more than forty stupor- and stutter-inducing pills a day during the series has the ring of truth to it, until you read - you gossip-puss you! - this admission applies to the time after his wife Sharon was diagnosed with cancer. Certainly, that must've been painful, and we wouldn't wish such a trial on anyone, especially not our beloved Prince of Darkness. But - could you understand him better before that? After this dreadful ATV accident we find - to paraphrase AIRPLANE! - it looks like you really can pick the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
 
Today, we sit squarely in the middle of HBO's two-part, six-hour Angels In America. If you're not familiar with this movie, perhaps that's because you were annoyed that the Broadway play of the early 1990s was broken up into three parts for which you would've had to buy three separate, staggeringly expensive tickets, and by the time the third production was mounted you forgot who you were supposed to love or revile. We were snowed in, for all practical purposes, so we had the three hours on our hands. Surprise! Angels in America is quick and witty and beautiful to look at and painful to watch. Part 2 debuts next weekend; we can't vouch for its coming-to-a-fabulous-conclusion-ness, but we cross our fingers and hope we can find at least more of the same. Those wacky HBO executives! Who saw this coming?
 
Your Dearest admits she's misplaced the citation for this catty tidbit: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Carson Kressley asked Cher with whom she'd like to be Siamese twins. John Ashcroft, she replied, "so [she] could keep an eye on him." She made other remarks Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love loved, but can't quote verbatim. Real Siamese twins offered no comment. [Editor's Note: it's this week's Us Magazine, which makes Your Editor wonder whether Your Diva's been spending time at the dentist's lately.]
 
Peabo Bryson is truly broke, Bridget Fonda and Danny Elfman got hitched and OutKast's in trouble now that Rosa Parks may legally rampage. Keith Richards speaks with the Voice of Reason! George Clinton allegedly invites officers to arrest him! George Bush declares James Brown a national treasure!
 
It's back to shopping, shopping and more shopping for us! And cooking! And gift-wrapping! And celebrity watching. Our eyes may be glazed in the glare of blue light specials, yet you can't avert your eyes from these fabulous train wrecks.
 

©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman