Bait And Switchblade
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Even the most fabulous gal occasionally slips into a mood.
 
Recently, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love received email from the Democratic National Committee out of the blue, and by this, we mean it wasn't as if there'd been some long intimate relationship, a tiff, and whoosh! Off the holiday card list went the DNC! No, nothing like that. The DNC is a mysterious stranger and Your Amaretto Mousse received this note asking for money because Republicans took out a large ad in many newspapers questioning the patriotism of Democrats. Oddly, the email demanded Your Ladyfingers not let Republicans do this to her. Individually. A note was promptly fired off to the DNC in response indicating Your Tiramisu's suspicion that these two groups of people were not actually very different, and that anyone not feeding the hungry had a lot of nerve asking for financial support during Thanksgiving week.
 
Your Pound Cake recognizes the difference between herself and groups of people. For instance, check the closet. A quick survey reveals Your Strawberry Parfait owns a modest 11 pair of shoes, including Bullwinkle Moose bedroom slippers. No doubt, any group of two or more people over the age of eight and without significant financial duress will own a greater number, excluding the slippers which must be considered unique because they were a gift from a certain fabulous ex-husband. We may conclude one person is not many people, and that there is no reason to defend ourselves when we are from Jersey, and nobody tells us who and what we are, right? Right. To review: insults reflect most poorly on the mouth speaking them, just like your Mom said. She's a smart cookie, eh?
 
Tune in to any televised financial report and you can see newly reported data swish by on its way to unexamined obscurity. Your Banana Split cannot claim to understand what these figures mean, so she listens with great interest to what analysts say. (It helps if one thinks of this in Brothers Grimm syntax: "Once upon a time, there was a naughty little third quarter earnings report…") Lately, some reports appear to be saying things are looking up. Some seem to portend evil in our future. Variety of opinion exists. What cannot be disputed is that an enormous number of people are out of work, many of whom are no longer eligible for Unemployment and have disappeared from the indices. Having spent a little time with repo men recently, Your Pineapple Upside Down Cake is aware that people who've worked hard and paid their bills may find themselves losing vehicles and houses during a prolonged economic dry spell. It's tough out there, folks. Let's hope there's a happily ever after around the corner, but for now an awful lot of Americans don't hold out much hope things will be better.
 
On the other hand, some people have much too much. A sure sign you've awakened too early on Sunday morning is when you find yourself stunned by MTV's Rich Girls and hope you're still dreaming. Two teenage girls, one of whom is Tommy Hilfiger's daughter, ride a limo around New York City declaring Mommy taught them to treat equally the Queen of England and the salesgirl at Prada. This show, produced by these two girls, is an exercise in just how much breathtaking boorishness a viewer can stand. Avoid this nightmare at all costs, unless your oafish brother in law shows up at your house and cleans out your refrigerator. Then Rich Girls will show you how much worse off you could have it.
 

©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman