Pain It Forward
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Once upon a time, when Liberace still roamed the earth, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love received a Christmas card from a - sort of - familiar return address. The card contained a handwritten letter describing the year's events, as penned by an educated man of roughly graduate school age. To paraphrase: "...Wonderful to hear from you...my girlfriend and I bought a puppy...had to replace my car just before Thanksgiving...pardon me, but have we met?" Apparently, Your Reflecting Ball's seasonal greeting had been delivered to an unknown neighbor's address, and he was anxious not to offend.
 
Such is the power of so gracious a note that Your Lawn Gnome, who giggles about it eons later, urges you to fold something in half, scribble a few backward letters and mail it to Claude Coleman, currently confined to a wheelchair after a spectacular car wreck. Claude, drummer for Ween and a few other bands you've seen, heard and might remember after the gingko biloba kicks in, broke his pelvis in six places when his car was rear-ended and pushed over the median on Route 78 in August. Claude's description of the accident can be found on the general forum at www.ween.net. It would make Knievels proud. Claude's description of his recovery - expected to take at least a year - sounds like the Spanish Inquisition had a hand in its design.
 
"My Retaining Wall," you whisper, "what can I do to help?" You, my friend, can dance. Claude's uninsured. His friends - whose CDs may be among your favorites - are staging benefits to finance the exhorbitantly expensive physical therapy. This Sunday, September 22, 4-11 p.m. at the Court Tavern, you may shake shake shake it to Adam Bernstein, Nick Clemmons Band. Porter, SuperBlue, Nipple and CropDuster. This is a great lineup, and a show you'll regret missing if you stay home pondering a streak-free shine. SuperBlue drummer and event organizer Matt Thomas says, "When I see Claude I'm instantly aware of all the progress that he is generating through willful spirit. And I'm not alone - if you saw the car photos you'd see someone who should have been dead - come out with everything looking bleak - and you just know he's gonna make it."
 
October 7 and 8 at the Bowery Ballroom, NYC, more benefits. Tickets are on sale now at the Mercury Lounge box office, 217 East Houston Street, NY, (866) 468 7619, or at www.ticketweb.com. The Bowery has a maximum capacity of 600, so only two tickets per order. Your Weed Whacker encourages the use of funny voices and flagrant cheating.
 
Perhaps you're the humble, shy type. Send Claude your very own Hallmark moment:
 
Claude Coleman
555 Mount Prospect Avenue
Apartment 17 J
Newark, NJ 07104
 
C'mon, you've got $10 burning a hole in your pocket. Every little bit helps. Plus, what's more hilarious than a personal note from a complete stranger?
 

©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman