A Product Of Fine Breeding
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Some days, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love would rather do just about anything than write an Altrok column. Almost. In the space of seven days, how much really changes? It can be tough to locate a new idea at the solemn end of television season, the parade of awards shows, the beginning of summer blockbuster movies, graduation hysteria and the third week of SUNTAN and/or DIE. Fortunately, everyone's had the identical, brand new, never-been-tested idea all at the same time: Let's procreate!
 
Well, not Your Baked Alaska. But a terribly scientific survey of her friends suggests that perhaps 18.4% of female persons between the ages of 23 and 37 may be preggers. You know what that means? The Me Generation, Gen X, Gen Y, Gen Who's Jimmy Carter? all at the same PTA meetings, vying for control of the bakesales. What in glamorous tarnation does this have to do with Altrok? Prepare, my pralines, for a sinking boatload of stickysweet "She's Having My Baby" songs, which were no picnic the first time around. Ask your grandparents, the Baby Boomers.
 
Speaking of things that go together only in evidence files, Your Orange Sorbet's weekend included a musical a la carte menu from which Column A was Coolsville in 1964 and Column B might be interesting with an E Felony. Saturday was a flaming genre pu-pu platter in itself. Somewhere in the one-eyed morning cartoon channel surfing nocturnal creatures do, Your Spumoni stumbled on Wyclef Jean strumming the opening riff of " Wish You Were Here" and discussing the 'hood ramifications of Van Halen: "Man, what's wrong with you? Go play some Curtis Blow." Wyclef Jean is an interesting character who charms Your Italian Ice with humility, wit and verve, so how fascinating that the next appetizer appeared in the form of "Sunrise, Sunset" as Muzak in the sushi bar. Later, Mexican Elvis, the Little Kingz and 100 Pounds of Porn at the Court Tavern. These bands do not share fans. Expect to see a group like that audience if Promisekeepers goes paramilitary and admits go-go girls.
 
After the weekend X-Files took its ball and limped home and bin Laden returned from the dead, expect tiki baby shower barbecues and Star Wars fever blisters. Expect surprises. Roll with the punchline, baby; plan something you can't anticipate. Tell us what your brilliant Memorial Day looks like.
 

 

©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman