The 8-Ball: Day Two
by The One True Tami Yaches

[ALTROK's contributors have all turned to the Magic 8-Ball for a look at next year. Today, The One True Tami peers into the oracular orifice.]


Will record companies (or conglomerates such as the AOL/TimeWarner beast with 9 zillion heads) take over the world?

Magic 8-Ball: Most Likely

Tami: Record companies, in an attempt to take over the world, will embed subliminal messages in pop songs telling people what to like. Oh wait - that was the plot to the "Josie and the Pussycats" movie... or was it?


Will music stars make good role models in the coming year?

Magic 8-Ball: Reply Hazy Try Again

Tami: Charlotte Church is a 15-year old girl from Wales. She's not nearly mature enough for anyone to pay attention to her opinions on what does or doesn't make a hero. She's just a young girl, thinking the normal, selfish kind of thought that teenage girls do.

Tami: Charlotte Church is an internationally famous personality and should be held accountable for anything she says in a public statement. She has a moral responsibility to her young fans to maintain a certain image, and when you start out calling yourself "the voice of an angel", you'd better be prepared to present the temperament of one, as well.


Will "O-Town" be more popular in 2002?

Magic 8-Ball: Better Not Tell You Now

Tami: "O-Town" is actually an elaborate hand puppet.


Bands like "System of a Down" and "Creed" seem to be enjoying huge popularity right now. Will this continue?

Magic 8-Ball: As I See It Yes

Tami: The trend of loud, crashing guitar music being sung by angry angst-ridden males will continue to experience unabated popularity amongst teen males. Especially if the songs have the word "Suicide" in them.


Are people still going to enjoy music that the laws of God and Nature can't explain?

Magic 8-Ball: Outlook Good

Tami: New York radio will continue to ignore the music career of John Tesh, but it still exists. One must assume that people somewhere pay for it.


Will underground/independent music go the way of the dodo?

Magic 8-Ball: Don't Count On It

Tami: Underground music will disappear. As if. This will never happen as long as there's kids with guitars, or people who ever *were* kids with guitars. Or people who *knew* kids with guitars, and wish that *they* had owned a guitar, or could even play one.


Do you think roller disco will make a comeback?

Magic 8-Ball: Yes

Tami: Yes.


What does the future see for a combination of rap music and fusion jazz?

Magic 8-Ball: Ask Again Later

Tami: No, wait, don't. Don't ever ask that again.


If I want to break into the music business, should I have plastic surgery first?

Magic 8-Ball: It Is Certain

Tami: If you're female. If you're male, only if you lack talent. What's that? Cynical? Me?


Will we enter an era where music has no "generation gap", where parents and their teenage children enjoy the same music?

Magic 8-Ball: Very Doubtful

Tami: This phenomenon, while common enough in parents and *adult* children, is unlikely to occur between a group of rebels and the people they're rebelling against. It's just our wacky nature.


Will online music trading disappear?

Magic 8-Ball: My Sources Say No

Tami: People share music. It's what we do. It's what being a DJ is about; when you hear music you like and want to make other people listen to it to. Online sharing is simply an extension of this natural urge. I think that even if public forums are shut down, private trading will continue unabated. Kind of like making your own liquor.

©2001 Tami Yaches