I Wanna Be Berated
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

At the north end of the boardwalk in Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey, stands a house like any other house near the aquarium, except this house is famous and its owner legendary among Shoregoing Jerseyites. Under this house sit speakers blaring Frank Sinatra tunes 24-7, all summer long. "Kooky," you think. You bet. Few forms of devotion to music or a single musician strike one as kookier than blasting the Sinatra version of Mrs. Robinson without blushing at re-written lyrics like "...Jilly loves you more than you will know..."

Unless you've traveled to Holly Springs, MS. Mile-high piles of articles have been written about the extremes to which Elvis fans go to demonstrate devotion to their idol. The proverbial cake-taker is the father/son team behind Graceland II. Quit scratching your eyes - you read that right. These wacky fellows lined the inside of their house, floor to ceiling, with Elvis memorabilia. They offers tours. For $10, you can stare in amused disbelief or outright horror at album covers stapled to walls, photo-lined hallways and don't lets consider the bathroom, shall we?

On a more modest and less eccentric scale, Your Diva adores live music of all kinds and, having shimmied on a bar or two, dares you to share her enthusiasm (and quit looking up her skirt). Further, consider this your engraved invitation to idolize the New Brunswick band Bad Karma. Worship at the feet of drummer Wally Bird (a fan at the 5/26 Court Tavern show crawled over a railing shouting, "Bird is the word!") and guitar hero Lord Mick Preston! Clutch your ribcage at bassist Tommy D.'s antics! Join Your Diva in buying Doug "Sluggo" Vizthum a lifetime supply of mind erasers for writing the song Bad Karma! You've never heard the song or seen the band or danced on a bar? Fear not! Though you've missed out on shaking your groove thang while brilliant, foul-mouthed musicians made you laugh harder than you thought you could, Bad Karma plays on special occasions. Hint: think one up and ask.* How about...St. Hubbin's Day?

No less riveting if subdued, Grant Hart is touring as a one man, one electric guitar show. Your Diva recalls Husker Du at the periphery of an eclectic musical memory - a crowd knows and remembers. Hart looks like a few rough nights on a stretch of bad road but the songs sound and feel like benediction. Over and over, the few seconds between songs were filled with bittersweet sighs and thunderous applause. The respect and gentleness with which a usually tough crowd regarded a genuine rock star lent the evening a charmed feel.

But, enough about me. It's your turn to write me.

You've done wacky things to get near your favorite flavor of musician, pulled stunts at a show or getting to a show (when the Parasites played Coney Island High, Your Diva and her supposed-to-be-on-stage dearest boy ran the last traffic-clogged half-mile, an ordinary event but for towering spike heels. Live, learn, and get Dr. Maartens!) or gotten thrown out of a show; you have inimitable antics, a song you can't live without, desert island or no. Write and tell your fanboy or -girl story. Keep it to two SHORT paragraphs, please. Don't bother with your sister's boyfriend's cousin's best friend's story. No cheating off the lefthanded kid, either.

It's music, my darlings. Prove your love.

©2001 Robin Pastorio-Newman