Sonic Reducer to Acid Reducer
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

C'est moi, your darling, Your Diva, your one true love, fresh from an invigorating dip in the working-two-jobs pool. While it's murder on the complexion, overemployment means one finds the sounds of human voices on the answering machine rather than that hideous mechanical instruction, "Please hold for an important message..."

Speaking of mindless and mechanical, Your Diva is bored to death or KMart shopping - whichever - by soulless and omnipresent boy band yowlings. Kindly forgive me, but no matter which interchangeable Link Skippy Lance Dougy you prefer, he's the processed cheese food of Tiger Beat pin-ups, and his career in dance numbers choreographed for singers with the aerobic capacity of twitchy decathletes will promptly combust with his first puff on a cigarette. It almost makes one consider buying stock in RJR Reynolds. The horror of mind-numbing boy and girl bands is by no means news; why mention what's passing for mainstream music, a sign of our times?

My darlings, take a gander at those insidious Target commercials lulling your righteous indignation into a false sense of economic security. If you've been scoping out the Hot Pockets while they're on, Target commercials feature a few toe-tapping moments of Devo's Beautiful World without the all-important five word point of the song*. It's a lovely planet full of delightful persons - "for you. Not for me." In other words, my sweets, the song's author is telling you you're a dreadful human being. Please purchase these fine products.

That music is a business escapes no one's notice. As with everything from world hunger to the return of hip huggers, you and Your Diva must choose positions in music's struggle to survive and musicians' struggle with their craft. Music is everywhere. Do you want it delivered to you bland and boring or do you want it chunky, with extra toppings you don't expect?

Darlings, think! Think! Think! If you know the song, the commercial's funny, though perhaps a trifle horrifying. If you don't, you're taking a giant bite from a poison apple that will steal from you more than quality time with identically dressed dwarves. If you choose not to think about music, you may wake up one day and find Billboard Top One Charts and an empty feeling where your new favorite song should be.

Shall we dance? Let's pogo. We'll both lead.

*Note: Devo's witty analysis of human behavior is unparalleled. Had Devo scripted the commercials I'd be first on line to applaud. Chances are good that an unobservant ad writer just didn't get it. Thus, perspective is key and scoffing is de rigeur. Pinkies up!
 

©2001 Robin Pastorio-Newman